What would Judi do?

I'm not a real holiday kind of person.  I don't love the music.  I don't want a tree.  I don't like the stress. I do like the baking.  I love giving presents that people like.  There are good parts to it. I was thinking today about the Christmases I enjoyed growing up.  There were quite a few. My grandma and grandpa used to come stay over night on Christmas eve.  I wasn't allowed to open any gifts early but my grandparents would bring a stocking and I was allowed to open that.  I don't remember a lot about it (other than I loved opening it early) but in every stocking was a hand held toy that you pushed, the tree spun and opened and revealed something on the inside.  Much like this: Those were fun. One year, my grandmother was sick and in the hospital over Christmas.  My mom and I bought a small tree (maybe 4 feet tall), decorated it and put it in a big trash bag.  I took it up to the hospital and left it in her room as a surprise for her.  But I forgo

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a music person.  I love everything about music.  There's a ton of stuff I don't like, sure.  But I like a (semi) wide variety of stuff - and some of that stuff surprises me. But I hate holiday music.  Maybe it's because I worked in retail for 10 years and hearing it for 12 hours a day for well over a month killed it for me.  It's like maraschino cherries.  I loved those things.  Then when I was in elementary school, I ate an entire jar of them.  I haven't touched one since.  Overkill. I date a music loving guy.  Sometimes this is awesome (he knew who Jah Wobble is which got this relationship started).  Sometimes it is not awesome (Mellowmas.  Don't know it?  Google it.  If you listen to it all, it's not my fault.).  It is musically never boring. I don't like the stupid songs - Dominick the Donkey (http://youtu.be/hYlvfX3nwlc) , I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas (http://youtu.be/7oOzszFIBcE) and things like that.

I grew up in a small family.  It was just me, my mom and my brother.  My brother moved out when I was nine so then it was even smaller.  Yes, I have aunts, uncles and cousins, but not many and they weren't really a part of my life except on holidays. Twenty years ago I moved to Maryland.  Since then I've found a new family.  My girls and I call these families our family of birth and our family of choice.  I love my family of birth.  I cherish my family of choice. This is my first holiday without any of my family of birth.  I'll see my mom in the morning but dinner is provided where she lives and we all know there is a high likelihood of their food being better than what I can cook.  My kids are with their dad.  I'm not a member of my boyfriend's family.  It's a strange feeling. Some members of my family of choice are in the same boat.  This is why I love them.  When one of us is in need, we support each other.  I had concerns about Thanksgiving.  I underst

There are few acts I'm willing to pay to see. Paul McCartney (of course!).  But luckily I was able to interpret for him instead of paying to see him.  Marillion.  Kate Bush (but she doesn't tour so that doesn't really count).  Matt Nathanson (I'm a stalker).  Indigo Girls.  Always.  Pink.  Wow. My friend, C, and I went to the Pink show last night.  Wowza.  First, the seats were awesome!  That helped.  We made a few observations last night: 1.  Abs.  'Nuff said. 2.  How does she get insurance for that show?  Okay, that was my thought, not C's.  She's the sane one. 3.  The girl can ROCK. 4.  Probably the most interesting to me - we were the norm in the demographics for this show.  We both thought we'd be on the older side but we weren't.  There were a fair number of moms who brought their daughters.  I would totally do that - I think the message in most of the songs is stuff my kids need to hear, though this show was a little risque

During a conversation with some co-workers yesterday, I came to the realization that my world is a little different than others.  My girls and I celebrate Chinese New Year by going to the parade (fun!) and eating Chinese food.  We make latkes for Hanukkah (though we celebrate in no other ways).  We make cookies for Christmas. I grew up celebrating things that others didn't - but I had no idea.  Wikipedia knows about them (see definitions below). For example, until someone asked the question on Facebook, I didn't know that Mischief Night wasn't celebrated all over the country.  I knew Detroit did it a little differently (read: scary!).  But until the question was asked, I hadn't thought of the fact that I've never seen a yard here covered in toilet paper.  Interesting. The separation of Halloween tricks from treats seems to have only developed sporadically, often appearing in some areas but not at all in others nearby. [2]  In  Northern New Jersey 's  B

I have issues with my hair.  First, let me say I don't have fabulous hair.  I have good hair but it has a mind of its own and often I don't feel like arguing with it. When my world starts spinning out of control, I feel an urge, a need  to cut my hair.  When I was young and stupid and didn't care, I would go to work with a razor blade.  It didn't really matter because my hair was spike and normally punked out so no one could really tell. Last night, at 8:30 on a Saturday evening, I sent a text to my friend:   "I need to cut my hair.  Now."  Lucky for me, she gets it.  We met at Bubbles salon at the mall, but they wouldn't cut my hair.  So we took a chance and went to Master Cuts.  I don't usually go to places I don't know.  I've had the same stylist for years - until she went out on maternity leave.  This oh-so-nice woman in there recognized the "I need a hair cut right now" look.  No shampoo.  No blow dry.  But success:  several

I'm kind of a tv addict. Rarely do I veg out and just watch but it's usually on while I'm doing other things.  I like the sound.  I like the distraction.  I like not being able to hear the mouse in the wall.  I'm used to it.  And I'm not one for change. Then one day recently, the cable sort of froze and the cable box showed all 8s.  Then it shut off.  After a few minutes, I could turn it on again but then the process would start again.  Eventually I realized I can't fix this.  Several calls to Comcast made me realize the rumors are true: their customer service sucks.  They're polite enough, sure.  But when they tell me I have no signal and I can't watch tv while I'm watching the cable tv , I realize this is not the company for me. My kids like tv, though they're limited in what they can watch.  We like Palladia and HGTV and Good Morning America.  We're simple people.  They like Dr. Who.  I like the Real Housewives.  So we made a list of a

What a busy weekend.  I had one goal:  to accomplish ONE thing.  I'm the queen of starting stuff but then something shiny appears and my attention is drawn away from the thing I'm supposed to be doing.  So I wanted to FINISH something. I did. My kid weren't thrilled with the agenda - clean up the yard, clean out the shed and get rid of stuff.  Simple, right?  Not in this house. We also learned a lesson: leaf blowers look much more fun than they really are.  It was fun for about 5 minutes.  By the third hour, it wasn't so fun. But the result is we filled the compost pile with leaves (and other stuff), 90% of the left over leaves are in one pile (and damn those other leaves that fell after we were done), and the oregano is replanted (and the rotted flower box is gone - and we discovered plants we didn't even know were there).  The shed is now clean - for the first time in probably about 15 years.  Lots of stuff gone, thank you Freecycle.  And I apologize in ad

Halloween has never been my favorite holiday, though I have no good reason for it.  My kids love it.  That's making me like it a lot more these days. This year they were the twins from the movie The Shining.  They were super creepy, which made me kinda proud.  It was fun walking around at the Silver Spring Zombie Walk and then again trick or treating at Scary Perry.  More people were creeped out by them than anything else.  There were the few people who screamed and told them to go away.  Others just thought they were cute girls. It was fun. I was thinking about Halloweens from the past today.  I loved their first outfit.  They did not.  I shoved them in peapod costumes.  They cried.  I beamed.  I seem to recall we ignored a few years but the one I really remember was when they were about 3 or 4.  They were Thing 1 and Thing 2.  They didn't care at all about candy.  When people opened their doors to give the girls a treat, the girls wanted to go in and play.  There were

My friend, Steve Phan, has been writing a daily haiku during the government shut down. It brings a smile to my face every day. Yesterday's post made me feel like I'm not the only one getting pissed with this silliness. Government shutdown Nothing resolved, still furloughed Frustrated today I've learned a bit about myself since the shutdown. First, let me say that the shut down effectively means no income for me. None. Nada. Zilch. I tend to eat out a lot. That has completely stopped. I've been cooking and shopping on a budget. I'm thinking about how I spend (and don't spend) money. Really, when life is normal, I am a conservative spender. I think about what I buy before I buy it and I don't shop often. Now all I want to do is buy things. I never buy cosmetics at the mall. Ever. I wanted that Clinique bonus set - so unlike me. I really want to get another aquarium. I don't really need it but I suddenly want it. Normally I

The grass is always greener on the other side. I want the green grass.  I want to be on the right side. This all started playing out in my head yesterday.  Well, that's a lie.  It's been mulling around in there for a while.  When I was a stay at home (SAH) mom, I wanted to be working.  I've been working full time for several years now and I want to be a SAH mom again.  Okay, not a full time SAH but I want to be home for my kids after school.  They need it now more than they did in elementary school.  I remember reading a blog post (can't remember from where) years ago that explained why middle school (girls especially) need a parent home after school.  Whoever wrote it was spot on.  My kids see/experience bullying, get teased by teachers, feel overwhelmed by the massive academic expectations, try to manage an age-appropriate social relations - all while coming home to an empty house.  Granted, it's often not empty for long.  But still. My bf talked to me about

Maybe this should be titled "Honey, I was wrong".  But I can't do that.  I'll leave it at "I had to adjust my expectations".  That's as apologetic as I get. Boyfriend and I went to Colorado for a wedding last week.  Yes, I did say Colorado.  The land of all the flooding and destruction.  The land where I have been several times before and enjoyed very little of it.  The land where there are mountains!!   I'm a beach girl who doesn't like breathing funny.  That Colorado. We arrived in the middle of the rain.  The rental car guy didn't want us driving an itty bitty car into the mountains so we got a car so big, bf's regular Honda could fit inside   of it.  Really big.  Our voices nearly echoed in it. We made it to our destination (Silverthorne), went to a fun wedding (Dr. Who themed!) and I didn't die.  That was all successful.  Breathing was, um, fun but I didn't stop.  So that was also a success.  The advice I received - dri

I remember life before 9/11.  Clearly.  It was an easier life.  My kids were born 4 months before September 11, 2001.  Their life is so different than the one I imagined for them.  Living in the metro DC area, the changes are all around us.  Here's my take on things: Pre 9/11 Post 9/11 There was little security at federal buildings.  This meant I could take my mom to NIH to walk around, go into any Smithsonian museum at any open hour and that the federal agencies were pretty much like any other building. There are huge fences up around many federal agencies.  You can’t just walk around the open suburban ones any more.  You go through metal detectors at every Smithsonian museum – which often means waiting in line. I didn’t need to arrive at jobs a half hour early.  15 mins was plenty of time to get to where I was going. I must have an escort at most of the places I work in.  This is a massive hassle, though on

Every now and then there's something I want to write about because it has a special meaning to me.  I'm going to start a sporadic series called (now sing this with me) "a few of my favorite things".  I'm starting with Friendly's Black Raspberry ice cream.  It has to be Friendly's, no other. I was in elementary school when my brother was in high school.  He had a part time job working at Friendly's.  I don't remember much about any of it - except one part.  I remember going there with my mom and ordering dinner (likely clam strips!).  When it came time for dessert, he brought me one of those metal ice cream dishes that Friendly's has filled with purple black raspberry ice cream. The ice cream was covered in black chocolate sprinkles.  I remember them.  I had never had so many sprinkles on one cup of ice cream.  Because it came from my brother, it was special. We've had many ups and many downs in our life.  He and I are nothing alike (or

I don't own pets (except my whore fish).  I had a few pets when I was young.  Shep was our dog when I was little but when we moved to a townhouse when I was 9, my mom took him to my grandmother in Maine where he would have more space.  He threw up in the car pretty much the whole way there.  My mom had to wait until a perfect weather day to sell the car.  It still smelled bad years later if the weather was hot and humid. My mom got me a cat when I was 10.  That lasted a few months.  I couldn't breathe.  As in I Could. Not. Breathe. The house was scrubbed (professionally) several times after that.  Years later (like more than 10), the washing machine flooded and made the rug in the family room wet.  Whatever was left in the rug filled the air and I couldn't breathe again. This is why I don't have pets. But I know people who do. My brother had a dog, a Bernese Mountain Dog - Chester - who didn't realize he was a dog. He thought he was a boy. That was the most

I am right handed.  This makes me part of the majority and makes my life easy.  I have a left handed kid and we often stumble upon things that make me realize my life is a little easier than hers.  Vending machines, metro turnstiles, handicap door access panels - all set for right handed people.  I'm used to it.  My daughter complains but realizes this is life. So all is good, right? Nope. I have a repetitive stress injury that is affecting my right shoulder, back and neck.  I'm supposed to be in a sling and keep my right arm immobilized.  Easy peasy, right?  Hell no. Aside from the fact that the words "do not work for 2-3 weeks and keep your arm in a sling" are words that set an interpreters heart stopping, life is not easy with just one arm.  Lucky for me, I'm finding amusement in this.  I'm learning things I never thought of before.  What, you ask?  Here's some things that are making me laugh: I can't mix pancake mix with my left hand.

My daughter, M, had a great idea the other night.  She sees me struggle with things I don't know how to fix - the plumbing, car problems, electrical problems - the list is endless. So, what is M's suggestion you ask? Brother husbands.  You know, like Sister Wives, only handier. She made a list of the kinds of husbands I should have: 1.  Computer (current boyfriend fits this one) 2.  Plumber 3.  Mechanic 4.  Landscaper 5.  AV Sales person (someone wants new audio equipment) 6.  Chef 7.  Doctor 8.  Orthodontist (that request comes from A, the one with braces) 9.  A (random) millionaire 10. Someone who works at Apple/Motorola/Samsung 11.  An interpreter so I can be a stay at home mom (A's request) I like that they put so much thought into this.  I am surprised that they think I will have enough, um, stamina for 11 husbands.  Or interest.  Or patience. I would like 11 friends who fit the list, though.

A while ago, I joined a bunch of other bloggers in publishing our bucket lists.  It was hard for me to come up with my own bucket list.  I couldn't get my head around making a list of things to do before I die.  Yet, in reality, I've had to do it before - in real life.  When I was told I had a brain tumor and random people started hugging me just to prove it was serious, I started thinking of the things I needed  to do before I died.  Then that diagnosis changed and I realized I'd be here for a while so the thought left. My mom is 83 years old.  It is unlikely she will live for another 20 years.  She has Parkinson's Disease (PD).  Actually, she could live another 20 years - she's otherwise healthy.  But she won't be able to walk for much longer.  That fact affects the things that can go on the bucket list. I struggled finding 10 things left that I wanted to do in my life.  It's even harder to find things left to do in the life of a woman who has already

Andrew and I went out to lunch with some of my favorite people yesterday, SB and AC.  We always talk about things that make me laugh.  I was pleasantly surprised when SB told me a story that has happened to me: when you wake up pissed off at your bed partner because they did something bad in a dream.  There were several times over the years I would wake so pissed at my ex that I couldn't look at him.  He had done something terrible in my dream and I would harbor that anger all day.  It wasn't really his fault and after the first few times he took it in stride, but it still makes me laugh. So that got me to thinking about the other things that happen in my sleep that make me laugh.  My sleep woes are no secret.  I stopped sleeping through the night when my girls were born.  I got used to (as much as one can) waking up for those middle of the night feedings and never got back to a normal sleep schedule.  It makes me insane.  And makes me feel tired all the freaking time. But

I'm a fireworks junkie.  Some would use other words but let's go with junkie.  I love fireworks.  Meaning, I LOVE fireworks.  I will travel (within reason) to see them.  I've always loved them, despite growing up being told to fear them.  My mom was young - maybe around 10 or so - when she went to see them.  A burning ember fell from the sky and burned her jacket.  I grew up being aware of their danger but still loving them.  There's something special about this thing that shoots up into the sky and explodes in a burst of color, sound and glitter. I have my favorites but really, there is no such thing as an unattractive firework.  They're special.  I love them over water in Sodus Point, NY.  At the Mall in DC.  Over the Ben Franklin Bridge in Philly. Over any and every ocean.  I'm really not picky. Well, I am.  I don't really care for the fireworks set off in people's yards.  The expectation of missing limbs kind of kills the fun.  My former uncl

I tease my friend, M, for attracting all the crazies. Crazy finds me  is her motto - and it fits.  I love her and all her crazy-isms and the crazy it attracts.  I never thought *I* was one of those crazies because, well, I'm kind of boring.  Oops. My realization today isn't crazy finds me .  It's more like the universe is bringing these very unusual people in my life for a reason.   I like this! I have a group of awesome friends who supported me and my girls when we needed it most.  Over the years I've realized it's not entirely a one-way street.  We support them, as well.  I don't think they're as dependent on that group as I tend to be but I like feeling like I mean something to them as well. My group of crazy is growing and it's growing in a way I hadn't expected.  I made an off-hand remark to someone on facebook basically saying she's got an awesome life.  Well, she does.  But she also has a crazy part (and keeps me laughing!) that I ha

I want to have a super power. I don't need a cape or a special outfit (though fancy shoes and a tattoo would be awesome).  I don't want a visible  power.  Just something I can use, when needed. Like the hulk - but I don't want to turn green (hate that color).  I don't want to inflict rage.  I just want to right the wrongs I see. I used to think I could get Montgomery County out of its budget crisis if they would just let me ticket people who drive like douchebags.  So far, no one has take me up on that idea so here I sit, in a car, unable to right those wrongs.  The aggressive drivers, people who run lights and stop signs and those who for some unknown reason find it difficult to use turn signals will have to be stopped by someone other than me.  That's too bad.  I was looking forward to pulling them over in my minivan. So what kind of super power do I want?  I want something that will shut people up.  Not all people - just the ones who need to shut up.  You kno

Father's day for kids without dads is rough. So are father/daughter dances at school and girl scouts. So are lots of things. The interesting part for me is how those feelings don't really go away even when a kid grows up. I dated someone in high school whose friend asked me one day what I was going to do for my dad for Father's Day (he didn't know my dad had died, much like most of my friends).  I said I didn't even know when Father's Day was.  He made a bunch of nasty little remarks, many of which are engraved in my brain forever. This year, my ex asked me if I celebrate Father's Day with my mom, who was both parents to me for nearly my whole life.  I remember doing something like a card and making her breakfast when I was young and getting mixed reviews from her.  I think most years I call my mom and say thank you but not much more.  She never seemed to want that. I live between the worlds of being a single mom and having a family with two acti

Generally speaking, I like my life.  I've gotten used to the insanity that has become my normal.  I take care of my kids most of the time and my mom some of the time.  I work a lot and I try to remember that being in a relationship takes work, so I to prioritize that as well.  I love having wonderful friends and try to fit them in the schedule as I can. It makes for a busy life. As things at work have changed and the stress levels have gone off the charts, my work hours have increased (while pay has not!).  The end of school has (finally!) arrived, along with all the stress and emotion that brings.  It's just been a time. During the week (when the girls, mom or bf are with me), the rule is no electronics at the table.  The rest of the time, it's on.  It's on during the weekends.  It's on when I'm out and about.  It's always one.  IT being the computer or the phone or the whatever that keeps me connected to the world.  It's always on. So today is

I learned an important lesson from one of my daughters today. "Sometimes my problems are MY problems." The setting: we were walking with a group of about 140 students for about a mile for a field trip.  The group consisted of 6th, 7th and 8th grade students.  My kids are in 6th grade and are slightly small in comparison to some of these kids. A and I were walking together when she pointed out a girl who had told her she would "beat you up and smash your head into a computer."  Nice.  I leaned over to my daughter and asked if this girl needed to be tripped.   "No, mom.  Sometimes my problems are MY problems." I guess she told me. It takes everything I have not to smack these kids who are mean to my kids and their friends simply because they're smaller, nerdier or because they like their teachers and like school.  I don't really want to hurt them.  But I do want the bullying to stop.  I want the nastiness to go away. But I can't make