Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Days for Mothers

Father's day for kids without dads is rough.

So are father/daughter dances at school and girl scouts.

So are lots of things.

The interesting part for me is how those feelings don't really go away even when a kid grows up.

I dated someone in high school whose friend asked me one day what I was going to do for my dad for Father's Day (he didn't know my dad had died, much like most of my friends).  I said I didn't even know when Father's Day was.  He made a bunch of nasty little remarks, many of which are engraved in my brain forever.

This year, my ex asked me if I celebrate Father's Day with my mom, who was both parents to me for nearly my whole life.  I remember doing something like a card and making her breakfast when I was young and getting mixed reviews from her.  I think most years I call my mom and say thank you but not much more.  She never seemed to want that.

I live between the worlds of being a single mom and having a family with two active parents.  While I'm no longer with with my kids' dad, he is in the picture regularly.  When I'm with my kids and one (or both!) has a full-on, tween, mega-size tantrum, I'm very aware of how alone I am.  I think of my mom often during those times.  I wasn't an easy kid.  It couldn't have been an easy time for her.

So this year for Father's Day, I will celebrate with my mom. Forty-four years of being both a mom and a dad deserves something special.

I'm trying to think of a word for moms who are also in the dad role.  MADS doesn't seem to work well.  I'm open to suggestions.

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