I have lived my life being the wrong age. At every age, I'm the wrong age.
It started when I was young. My mother told me I was born at the wrong time. I loved everything about the 1920s and 1930s, I was born to be a flapper girl. But I was about 60 years late.
I was crimping my hair and dying it purple before it was popular to do. I liked the way it looked but I got a lot of shit for it from the other kids in school. Then a year or two later they were doing it. I was ahead of my time.
I was the last of my friends to get married. By many years. But I think I was the smart one. While it wasn't perfect and didn't last for forever as planned, I was still smarter for waiting. I was an older bride.
When my kids went to preschool, I was closer in age to the grandparents than the parents of the other kids. I hated that. HATED THAT. Now it's pretty much evened out as far as the ages of my kids' friends' parents. I didn't feel old enough to be a parent of two.
Now I find myself realizing I'm the wrong age again. I'm not mature enough to be a parent. I love my children with all my heart but I'm not like a regular mom. When they make farty sounds with their elbows, I still crack up. I laugh at inappropriate things constantly. I'm not a good role model.
I went to a concert tonight. I was older than a lot of the people there, which was expected. I wasn't as old (looking or feeling) as some of the other folks there that are probably closer in age to me than the friend that accompanied me. Again, I'm the wrong age. I feel younger than I am. I'm annoyed when the occasional gray hair appears. I don't have time for the arthritis that makes its presence known at inconvenient times. I don't feel like half my life has been lived.
So I will continue to laugh uncontrollably at inappropriate things (my kids call this O.L.D. - overactive laughing disorder). I will continue to giggle when I see people be silly. I will continue to be the wrong age. I will be 46 soon and will still be drying my hair by the open car window and laughing so hard I snort soda out my nose. Things won't change.