Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Being the wrong age

I have lived my life being the wrong age.  At every age, I'm the wrong age.

It started when I was young.  My mother told me I was born at the wrong time.  I loved everything about the 1920s and 1930s,  I was born to be a flapper girl.  But I was about 60 years late.

I was crimping my hair and dying it purple before it was popular to do.  I liked the way it looked but I got a lot of shit for it from the other kids in school.  Then a year or two later they were doing it.  I was ahead of my time.

I was the last of my friends to get married.  By many years.  But I think I was the smart one.  While it wasn't perfect and didn't last for forever as planned, I was still smarter for waiting.  I was an older bride.

When my kids went to preschool, I was closer in age to the grandparents than the parents of the other kids.  I hated that.  HATED THAT.  Now it's pretty much evened out as far as the ages of my kids' friends' parents.  I didn't feel old enough to be a parent of two.

Now I find myself realizing I'm the wrong age again.  I'm not mature enough to be a parent.  I love my children with all my heart but I'm not like a regular mom.  When they make farty sounds with their elbows, I still crack up.  I laugh at inappropriate things constantly.  I'm not a good role model.

I went to a concert tonight.  I was older than a lot of the people there, which was expected.  I wasn't as old (looking or feeling) as some of the other folks there that are probably closer in age to me than the friend that accompanied me.  Again, I'm the wrong age.  I feel younger than I am.  I'm annoyed when the occasional gray hair appears.  I don't have time for the arthritis that makes its presence known at inconvenient times.  I don't feel like half my life has been lived.

So I will continue to laugh uncontrollably at inappropriate things (my kids call this O.L.D. - overactive laughing disorder).  I will continue to giggle when I see people be silly.  I will continue to be the wrong age.  I will be 46 soon and will still be drying my hair by the open car window and laughing so hard I snort soda out my nose.  Things won't change.

1 comment:

  1. I have always thought I was the wrong age too. But I see a strong, smart, confident, caring, fun woman in you and who would want to be anything else?!