What would Judi do?

 When I think about New Year's, all I can think about is thank God 2025 is done.  It's been an awful year. Why? April 1st will live in my brain as the worst day of my professional career.  Half of my deaf folks at work (across the country) lost their jobs for absolutely no good reason.   I lost some of my favorite hearing people as well.  It let me know that my job and everything I depend on is vulnerable. My heart broke into a million pieces when we had to say goodbye to Sophie. She was my first real pet and I loved her in a way I didn't was possible. Thinking about her still makes me cry. After a few months, I really missed having a cat in the house. So we adopted a brother/sister duo who were funny and soft. Mango is a huge boy (and a typical orange cat). He's very sweet. Dizzy was the reason we adopted them, if I'm being honest. She was the softest cat and was admittedly slightly different.  Her head tilt and crossed eyes won my heart immediately. She h...

 I find myself ranting about the disparity of how people see women versus men, especially as older (over 40) people.  This week put me back on the edge of that rant. The Grammy awards were interesting.  Some years they bore me but I liked it this year.  The one thing that stood out for me was the reaction to Madonna.  Now, I'll be honest and say I noticed and I don't love the changes she made to her appearance.  But she didn't ask me my opinion so I didn't offer it .  Instead, I thought seriously about why she did it.  And then I saw all of the facebook posts the next day. When I watched her on the show (and later on TikTok), my first thought was sadness.  I thought about how hard it must be to be her (or any woman in the public eye who ages) and feel that she needs  to look younger than she is.  I don't have that pressure - but I feel it so freaking often.  What gets me started on my rant is the need of people to comment on he...

 I learned something today.  It's the Hebrew word: shmita.   I found a fabulous article in an issue of last year's Philadelphia magazine.  I now have a new goal. The  sabbath year  ( shmita ;  Hebrew :  שמיטה , literally "release"), also called the  sabbatical year  or  shǝvi'it  ( שביעית ‎, literally "seventh"), or "Sabbath of The Land", is the seventh year of the seven-year agricultural cycle mandated by the  Torah  in the  Land of Israel  and is observed in  Judaism . [1] During  shmita , the land is left to lie  fallow  and all agricultural activity, including plowing, planting, pruning and harvesting, is forbidden by  halakha  (Jewish law). Other cultivation techniques (such as watering, fertilizing, weeding, spraying, trimming and mowing) may be performed as a preventive measure only, not to improve the growth of trees or other plants. Additionally, any fruits or herbs whi...

I sit here writing this covered in Vicks Vaporub.  I generally hate the smell because if I smell like that, it means I'm sick.  And I am.  But it also reminds me of my mom.  I can remember my mom slathering that on me, covering the affected area with a handkerchief so it wouldn't make my clothes smell (I'm pretty sure that didn't work).  Later, my friend who grew up in Estonia and had tricks for every ailment taught me that Vicks on the bottom of your feet covered by socks also helps.  It works.  My mom didn't know that. As I lay in bed last night, feeling a combination of sorry for myself because I'm sick and sorry for myself because I can't call my mom and get the care that only a mom can give, I thought about other smells that mean something to me. The first one is Lysol spray.  I have no idea why  but this always smelled like my Grandpa's after shave cologne.  I know it wasn't his cologne but for reasons I can't explain, when I smell...

I actually write quite a lot but don't often publish things.  I hold things for a bit.  Sometimes I think things are too personal or not interesting to anyone other than me. I originally wrote this in January 2022.  I find it hasn't changed much in the last year.  This year the doctor was the gynocologist and the time lag between now and the last appointment was much, much longer than with the dermatologist.  I was genuinely disturbed that I didn't know how many years I missed in there.  In one way, it made sense because I had been taking care of my mom and was a contractor so the time I took off for appointments was for her, not me.  But holy smokes, that's a lot of years that just blurred together.  The doctor said I wasn't the only one experiencing this.  I don't know if she's telling me the truth or just being polite.  Either way, it bothers me. The first blog post of this year mentioned Groundhog Day in the title.  That's a the...

I kind of like resolutions or goals for the new year.  I like them but I suck at them.  I sort of set them every year but I don't really write them down or make them official. This year will be different!  Ha!  I'm going to try a new strategy.  This right here is it. A Facebook friend of mine posted this.  Actually several friends did.  I normally skip this stuff but I like word games so I looked.  My words are: Lesson Connect Change Strength Lesson :  I have a lot to learn in this life but I have to say, I'm doing much better in that department.  A few years ago, I started thinking about what I'm supposed to learn from certain situations instead of reacting to them (thank you, Mom). I still react but also think about what I'm supposed to learn so I don't keep repeating the same mistakes. Connect :  I learned a lot during the pandemic years.  One thing was that for as much as I don't like a lot of social things, I do miss peopl...

The year I turned 50, my brother had a great idea: do 50 fun things in that year.  It was a great idea.  But my mom was sick and I needed to take care of things here so the great idea didn't happen. Then she died and my desire for fun hit a road block.  And then covid stopped the world.  It's really amazing to me how time just passes but it feels like it stood still. But that's a topic for a different post. Flash forward 5 years. Five years that just seem to have vanished.  During those 5 years, I changed careers (sort of - I got a regular job so I'm no longer a contractor).  My girls started and have nearly finished college.  I moved, got married - so many things have happened.  Five years seems like 5 seconds and yet so much has happened. So here I am: 55 years old about to turn 56 in a matter of weeks.  I wasn't going to let 55 pass by like seconds again. I was going to have fun, damnit. And I did.  And I kept a list.  There were...

There are lots of people I've met over my 55 years that have had an impact on me.  I suspect most don't know that.  I think I'll start writing about the various people who have impacted me, sometimes positively and sometimes less so.  I should probably tell them to their face.  That takes courage that I might not have.  Goal #98549 for this year. I should probably start with someone who just left this world.  She was one of the folks who hired me at this super large interpreting agency way back when in 1993.  I started my mentorship there and thought I'd go home.  I was hired for a 3 month stint that turned into 6 months and I never left.  Well, I left that agency but never left the area.  And I never left my connections with SLA.  They are in many ways my family. They are my friends.  They're the people who have been through one marriage, a divorce and my second marraige with me, even if just from sidelines in the facebook wor...

 I woke up in a fog today.  I heard someone at the door around 10:30 and knew someone was delivering something because my kid texted me a warning the night before.  I had actually woken at the crack of dawn but refused to get up.  I checked my phone, looked at messages and went right back to sleep - something I don't often do.  But when that happens, I am in intense dreamland and groggy upon waking, which is where I was today.  I didn't even notice Andrew wasn't next to me.  I was being careful not to wake him.  I stumbled out to the living room and heard someone in the kitchen.  The only thing I could think of was "how did Mikaela get this person a key and why is he in my kitchen?"  I was definitely surprised and relieved to find it was Andrew.  I hate that kind of morning. Then I got to thinking about the day.  I'm 55 today.  I have lived more than half my life.  It's kind of a sad thought.  I thought about the...

Generally speaking, I refuse to play all the games and challenges I see on facebook.  I don't really think anyone cares enough about me to try to steal my identity and if they do, they'll get what they deserve.  That said, I don't want to make it easy for anyone so I steer clear of most of that stuff. I've been watching folks post about the 10 year challenge.  I don't really need to post pics because I post a lot of them and y'all know I've aged.  We don't need to talk about that. I think about other things when I think of the difference between now and 10 years ago.  Mostly I am grateful for where I am in life right now.  The biggest difference is how much calmer I am.  I'm sure my brother would laugh at that - as would a lot of people who know me.  While my life is full of drama (hello!  I have two dramatic daughters!), I am calmer than I was.  I am no longer fearful of what's going to happen next.  Am I going to upset my spouse?...

 I'm pretty sure I have started the last few years of writing this blog with some variation of "I should/will write/publish more."  The truth is, I write with some frequency.  I just don't publish a lot of what I write because it's either depressing, sad, repetitive or boring. So maybe this year I'll endeavor to publish more and not be grumpy and boring.  You'll have to tell me if I succeed in that goal. I try not to make new year's resolutions because I don't believe I have ever seen one to fruition.  I bail after a few weeks.  Yeah, I don't make it to a few months.  Maybe this year will be different?  Yeah, I know it probably won't. I posted on facebook (with the idea that writing it and making it public would force  me to do something) a few goals.  Here's what I came up with: 1. Lessen the load . It's time to get rid of things I've been holding on to. My mother doesn't need her things anymore and there's no reason to...

 Happy Gotcha Day! Sophie has been with us for a year.  To refresh your memory, she came to us through my ex-husband who is friends with someone at a shelter in Baltimore.  Her owner moved to assisted living, he said.  The cat is 20 years old and will die in a shelter if you don't take her. First response:  fuck you.  Don't make me feel badly for a cat I've never met. Second response:  You suck.  I can't let a cat die in a shelter because his owner had to move to assisted living. We went to meet her, a firm NO already in my head.  The shelter-house was FULL OF CATS . She runs a shelter from her home.  Kittens were crawling up my leg.  Something that looked like a small tiger was eyeing me suspiciously and a freaky looking creature with no fur wanted attention.  No, no and no. Sophie was kept apart from the others until she had been checked out by the vet.  Andrew and I met her in a separate room, an office.  She was i...

 It's kind of a weird feeling when I think about the fact that we've been quarantined for nearly a year in some form or another.  A year.  There have been other years that have left me keenly aware of the passage of time.  The year my children were born.  The difference between a newborn and a one year old are startling - and fun.  The first year of my separation when I thought my life was over when it was really just beginning - I was aware of time during that.  But most years float by without a lot of notice.  I can't help but notice the individual days of this year. Nearly every week, I have the same feeling:  time seems to be going by very slowly but I see the date and the days of the week fly by.  There's not a ton of difference between Monday, Thursday, or Saturday.  The only difference is why time I'm online, if at all.  And how many times I hit snooze on my alarm.  Or what I choose to cook - or the hissy fit I have...

It's the last day of what can only be described as a year I don't think I'll ever forget.  I think most folks describe this as a shit show year and for the most part it was.  But somewhere along the line in the middle of the stay at home order, I realized it didn't all completely suck.  That's about as positive as I get. So, looking back on 2020, what good things happened?  Let me go down the list. 1.  We adopted Sophie and shower her with love daily.  She has done more for us than any of us have done for her.  I love her.   2.  I got a new (to me) car and it's fancier than anything I've had before.  I like this. 3.  I got a new job.  I have responsibility now - not that I didn't before but this is different.  I can plan to retire. 4.  I have seen a lot (read:  A LOT) of Maryland that I hadn't explored before.  We have visited:     The Calvert Marine Museum - who knew otters and seahorses were...

I am a rule follower.  Most of the time.  Especially when it's not a big deal to follow the rules. Then there are those other times. Don't steal.  I can do that! Don't kill people.  Yep, it's a challenge but I'm doing well with that one. Be nice to people.  I try really hard.  I succeed more often than not. When super pregnant with twins and put on bedrest?  Not great at following those directions. What exactly do you mean by bed rest?  Do you mean I need to stay in my bed or can I lie down in other places? That was not the first time my doctor was exasperated by me. When I had pneumonia and wasn't supposed to be working?  Eh, what's your definition of "not working"? I can put in a few hours.  (Twelve hours later) I think I'm overdoing it a bit..... Social Isolation or Distancing.  First, what the fuck does that mean?  Oh....really?  I can't go out?  I can't be within 6 feet of people.  I'm fine ...

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and it dawned on me.  I did this life wrong.  Sort of. I am well aware that I've not done any part of my life the way I thought or the way I should have (at least according to my family and my 15 year old self).  It's not been a shitty life.  I just made it harder than it needed to be. So back to my friend....we were talking about things and I said I needed a gap year now. DING DING DING!!! I'm completely fried from the job I'm doing now - running my own business (though I've dwindled that down to barely anything) and managing someone else's business.  That will be over soon enough.  But then what?  I'm taking a few weeks to catch up on things, though nothing exciting.  Doctors appointments, cleaning, unpacking from the move last year .  Turns out, I'm really, really skilled at avoiding things I don't want to do.  Now I'm forcing myself to be a grown up. Holy hell, Rockhill!...

It is a rare thing when I am flustered and giddy to the point of being nearly speechless.  It happens, but rarely.  It happened on Wednesday night. And to think I almost didn't go. A few months, I saw that Midge Ure was touring and would be at a venue I had never gone to on a work night. Let me break that down a bit: 1.  Andrew was going to see someone he didn't love but knows I do because I love(d) Midge Ure forever ago.  While he's never been a jerk about this, I'm still aware when he's not enjoying himself. 2.  It's at a venue I don't know and as someone with anxiety, that's kind of a big deal.  I've been known to ditch shows (where I'm a patron, not an interpreter) because of it.  Granted, it's been a while but that feeling is always there. 3.  It bothers me when people who are engraved in my brain in one way are old and can no longer sing.  Or when they were hot shit long ago and still think they are but they're not. 4....

When someone told me they were 53, it sounded old.  It still does.  But now that's me.  Fuck. I'm old. I have not had a good 50s year yet.  I was taking care of my mom through most of my 50th year.  Then she died two weeks before my 51st birthday.  That was a sad year.  I can't tell you much about 52.  It was a busy year.  I moved in with my partner, prepped my kids for college and tried (and failed) to figure out what I want to do with my life. Fifty three.   Fifty three.   Any way I say it, it sounds old.  This is the first year I feel old.  When I look in the mirror, I'm surprised by what I see.  The stress of the last few years is evident now.  I have lines I didn't have before.  I have two children in  COLLEGE.   I'm super proud of them but it still feels weird.  I am old enough to be the parent of several of my interpreters.  That's horrifying.  It's not the first time...

It hasn't really been an entire year since I've written anything.  It's just been a year since I published anything because 2019 was the year of anger.  I'm done now. I know "2019 sucked donkey balls" isn't a nice way to say it but it's exactly how I feel.  I cannot wait  for this year to be done.  It's not that it was an entirely bad year - it wasn't.  But it was challenging in ways I didn't predict. We moved out of the only house I've ever owned.  That was traumatic.  While I've had nearly a decade to get used to the idea of my failed marriage, this was proof.  And it made me feel damaged all over again.  And angry.  But I have a partner who loves me as-is, so I need to keep that in mind. New beginnings are good, right?  It would be but I wake up nearly every day hating my real estate agent.  Yep, there are parts that were our responsibility but this was a guy who knew I was taking care of a dying parent at this ti...

This started out as a facebook status update but then I just kept writing so I moved it here. Apparently I have hair issues. I knew that but it still surprised me. I have a weird relationship with my hair. It's hair. That's it. When I'm stressed, I need it cut *this very second* so when I can't find a professional, I've been known to do it myself. I inherited this trait from my mom. I very clearly remember her doing things to her hair at odd hours. I haven't had it professionally colored since I became a single parent because it was an extravagant expense we didn't need. Fast forward to several weeks ago when I saw something on FB or IG and decided that was the look I wanted. I went and talked to a local salon that isn't one of the affordable chains I've been going to. They quoted me a price and told me 5-6 hours in the chair. What?! Really? Why? They were right. It was about 5 hours. It was 5 fabulous hours where no one needed me, no one a...