Then Ruth died. We knew it was coming but it was still a surprise - like you can see the swing coming but when it hits, it still knocks your breath out. That's been a hard thing to overcome.
Then an old injury on my foot returned. I'm in PT now to fix this. I don't care if it's a permanent fix or not. I don't care if the surgeon needs to sever the nerves in my foot. I just want to walk. I need to do this.
When I signed up for this, I did this with Ruth's blessing. We talked about why this was a good idea. I'm great with ideas, less awesome with follow through. This would be good for me. I need to do something for me. Just for me. This was it. It would help me get healthy - walking is good for me, right? It would be nice to take time for myself to do something. My family would be on board, supporting me the whole way. Such nice thoughts. The reality has been a bit different.
Walking takes a lot of time. Blocking out 3-5 hours at a time is hard. Not impossible but hard - especially when I have my kids. PT takes a lot of time. My confidence is shaken.
So many people have said well-intended things: an injury is a valid reason not to walk; you don't have to do this, etc. They don't get it. I have to do this. I promised Ruth I would. I promised myself I would. This is important.
My support team and walking partners have been awesome. I expected Mike, Ruth's son, to be supportive but he's gone above and beyond. He regularly "pimps me out" and helps get me donations. My kids make "flair" for my backpack and are selling little pins they made to their classmates to help me make my $1800 donation requirement. My Significant Other, Andrew, walked with me when it was snowy and cold and continues to do so when it's beautiful. He encourages me and walks right next to me. And my walking partner, Amanda, slightly more than an acquaintance before, has become a great friend and drives me. I can't let her down.
One way or another I will do this. I'm stubborn. Confidence will come back. Hopefully.