Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Mommy, who's your BFF?

Well, let me think about that. I don't think I have one.

Why not?

I don't know. Maybe I'm not a BFF kind of girl.

Yes, you are. You need more friends. You need a BFF.

Maybe you're right.

1friend noun \╦łfrend\
Definition of FRIEND

a : one attached to another by affection or esteem
b : acquaintance
a : one that is not hostile
b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
: a favored companion
capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker
— friend·less adjective
— friend·less·ness noun
— be friends with
: to have a friendship or friendly relationship with

I have friends on my mind. I like definitions 1 and 2. 3 and 4 are okay. 5 is weird.

I don't have a best friend. I have friends. I have people I like a little, like to hang out with or even like a lot. But I don't have a best friend. I think there's something wrong with that. Even, as stated above, my kid noticed it. Isn't that breaking all the girl rules?

I always had a best friend growing up. Sometimes they would change but mostly it was the same group of girls. When we get together now it's like I never moved away. We chatter and laugh like always. But I don't call them when things happen. I might send a facebook message but that's about it. And they don't call me.

Maybe it's because we all got married, had families and our responsibilities and priorities changed. Maybe it's because I spent many years with someone who didn't think I should talk on the phone with my friends in the evening during what was supposed to be "our time". For many years my husband was my best friend. As we've grown apart that's changed. I still want to call him with things but it's not the same any more. My current closest friends are male (except two) and much younger than me (except one). I call one once in a while but really, having a single male as a friend is a little, um, off balance when I'm married (okay, only sort of), have kids and am over 10 years older.

I had a BFF for a couple of years. Our kids were friends and we just clicked. I could tell her pretty much anything. Then she moved across the ocean and this American life was all but forgotten. I had good friends, other moms, when I was hanging out at the playground every day. But now I work. There's not much time for playgrounds. Besides, I got along with the dads better. They aren't gossipy (okay, that's not entirely true). They aren't mean the way the mean girl moms are.

So I'm looking for a BFF. Where do I find one? I thought about posting on craigslist but with my luck I'll get a serial killer. Then I thought about joining a parents group but the fact is, most moms are not like me. Or at least I don't feel like them. I could take a class but I've done that before and not made friends there. One of my close friends called me socially awkward. That's better than socially retarded, as I've been called before. I'm neither. I'm socially uncomfortable. I have social skills and do use them when required. I'm a pretty direct person, which doesn't work in my favor. So I'm becoming more vague. Maybe that will help?

There is eHarmony, Match - a ton of lovey-dovey match making sites. But where are the friend matching sites? I could join a support group for women going experiencing what I'm going through now. But I don't want a bitch fest. I want happy. And sometimes sad. But definitely more happy than sad. I want someone to tell me when I'm totally off base and tell me the truth. Maybe I want what I already have. Maybe in this time of technical choices I'm just being old fashioned. I can text any of my friends any time I want. Maybe I'm just old in wanting to hear their voices. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Maybe I'll just be happy with what I have.

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