What would Judi do?

It hasn't really been an entire year since I've written anything.  It's just been a year since I published anything because 2019 was the year of anger.  I'm done now. I know "2019 sucked donkey balls" isn't a nice way to say it but it's exactly how I feel.  I cannot wait  for this year to be done.  It's not that it was an entirely bad year - it wasn't.  But it was challenging in ways I didn't predict. We moved out of the only house I've ever owned.  That was traumatic.  While I've had nearly a decade to get used to the idea of my failed marriage, this was proof.  And it made me feel damaged all over again.  And angry.  But I have a partner who loves me as-is, so I need to keep that in mind. New beginnings are good, right?  It would be but I wake up nearly every day hating my real estate agent.  Yep, there are parts that were our responsibility but this was a guy who knew I was taking care of a dying parent at this ti...

This started out as a facebook status update but then I just kept writing so I moved it here. Apparently I have hair issues. I knew that but it still surprised me. I have a weird relationship with my hair. It's hair. That's it. When I'm stressed, I need it cut *this very second* so when I can't find a professional, I've been known to do it myself. I inherited this trait from my mom. I very clearly remember her doing things to her hair at odd hours. I haven't had it professionally colored since I became a single parent because it was an extravagant expense we didn't need. Fast forward to several weeks ago when I saw something on FB or IG and decided that was the look I wanted. I went and talked to a local salon that isn't one of the affordable chains I've been going to. They quoted me a price and told me 5-6 hours in the chair. What?! Really? Why? They were right. It was about 5 hours. It was 5 fabulous hours where no one needed me, no one a...

I was sitting at lunch with a couple of coworkers the other day and we got to talking about epidurals.  Two of us have horror stories, which we didn't know about each other.  As we were talking, the third person cringed.  I apologized for discussing this in front of her (she's much younger than me and doesn't yet have children).  She said she needed to know this stuff.  The stuff your mother never told you. This got me thinking.  What are all the things I've learned along the way that I wish someone had told me?  My mind went to all sorts of topics.  Then I thought I should sort them out.  Maybe categorize them.  So this is volume one. Pregnancy and Parenting. I'll start at our lunch conversation.  And for those that are squeamish, stop reading.  You won't be happy if you continue. 1.  Epidurals aren't without problems. I signed the waiver in the hospital but I didn't really know what I was signing.  My epid...

Yesterday was a beautiful day so Andrew and I walked around Lake Artemesia.  As we were walking and looking at the leaves, the fish, the lily pads and the like, I couldn't help but remember walking around the Sligo Creek trail with my kids.  I thought about how grateful I am that my kids were little before the time when everyone had a phone, ipad, leapfrog, etc.  I wonder if they're remember the things I do. Like the regular game of tell me what you see in the clouds.  Now, tell me a story about it. Like the game of how many different leaves and different colors can we find?  What shall we make with them?  (We had lots of pretty leaf bookmarks and window decorations.) Like the game of how old is that (fallen) tree?  How high can you count? Like the game of tell me a story. I know I sound judgemental and I really am trying not to be.  But I am glad that my kids grew up with limited screen time and have good imaginations. I miss ...

It's a new year so maybe I'll start writing again.  In fairness, I write a fair amount I don't publish because it's angry or whiny.  Neither is how I want to be remembered. We spent our New Years Eve in Baltimore on a frigid cold night waiting for fireworks.  We went to the Kona Grill as we have in years past.  I love their aquarium and there's something there we all like, so it's a perfect way to end the year. Our waitress was interesting.  At first I guessed she was around my age.  Then I figured she was younger.  She was chatty with my girls.  I thought she was just being friendly but then she talked to us for a bit.  She had a lot of thoughts about the fact my teenage girls were with me on this party night - and they were there voluntarily.  She told us a brief rendition of her life story - pregnant and unmarried at 25, later married with a couple of kids and a step daughter (so I'll assume a divorce and remarriage in there but I...

I posted a blog piece the other day on facebook.  It was titled The New Midlife Crisis for Women (http://www.oprah.com/sp/new-midlife-crisis.html).  I was fascinated to learn that I AM NOT ALONE.  I have become angry.  I have become motivated.  I'm on a mission. For what, you ask?  It's not really to find happiness because overall I'm a pretty happy person.  I am in love with someone who is kind and respectful to me.  I have two children who make me laugh.  A lot.  I have lots to be happy about. But I'm also angry.  I'm tired of knowing that my male partner is treated differently that I because of his anatomy.  I'm tired of feeling like my kids are going to have to fight the same battles my mother did.  Angry over SO MUCH STUFF.  So what is my mission?  It can't be to make the world fair.  That's not going to happen.  I don't want to learn acceptance.  I'm not entirely sure what my mission is....

It's easy to stuck in self pity sometimes.  I don't often think why me  but I do often think enough! .  And then things happen to remind me that I am indeed loved and cared for. Today was a very good day.  It was a long day but it was good.  I was reminded why I actually like coordinating an event that makes my stomach hurt with nerves.  It makes my heart happy to see teams working well, having fun and ending with everyone feel positive about their day.  I watched people who make my interpreting heart happy.  So that was good. I was able to match Andrew's extra furniture with folks who needed it.  That's a big relief.  And it makes us both happy. I arrived home after a 13 hour day to find dinner for the next few days attached to my door.  I feel so very loved right now.  This is a massive help to me.  And lucky for me, I have friends who cook! And I'm oh so grateful I'm not in Florida with massive power outages and...