What would Judi do?

How would you feel if you were told that your loved one had a brain tumor? Nothing about that is good. What would you do? What would you say? What would you think? My husband has had to deal with this. Twice. Really, it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone. But to have it twice is insane. This doesn't happen to people. Apparently it does. The first time I was the patient. I went to the hospital with a bug bite and came home with a brain tumor. People hugged me - people I didn't know! Everyone said "Oh....I'm so sorry......how old are your kids?" What do you think of? You think of all the things you haven't told anyone. For me that meant telling my husband where to find information. Where are the 401k accounts? Where is the safe deposit box key? I made lists. Here's everything you need to know in case I'm not around. What do I tell my kids? Now and in the future? Now was easy - mommy has a "little something extra upstai...

Yowzah. Every time things go haywire and then settle, there's that false sense of security that comes after dealing with a big blow. Whew, we got over that hurdle. Glad that's done. Wake up, silly - there's another one just waiting for you. That's the story of my life. One thing happens and I get through it and then another thing happens. Why is that? Is it karma coming back to bite me in the ass? Serioulsy, Universe, I'm doing the best I can. Stop testing me. Just for a few weeks. I need breathing space. I know I'm not alone in this thinking. One friend recently commented that too many people in her life are dealing with cancer - all at the same time. She's a good person, doesn't do bad things (generally, wink). How is it decided what is too much for one person? Clearly, I am writing this in crisis mode. The morning started out good enough - especially after an awesome night last night. A breakfast date at Starbucks started it out well. ...

I was just reading over some of my previous entries. I suck. I have failed on my posting once a week goal (thanks for pointing that one out, Ms. S). I have failed to remain perky, though even I need to say I've done better with it than expected. It's now October and I find I'm happier more often than not. I have giggled a lot this year (my unofficial measuring stick). Sure, I get down. I'd be a moron if I never let any of the things happening in my life affect me. But at the end of the day, I'm usually still smiling. I practice this with my girls every day. Even on the days I'm not with them we do this on the phone. Every morning the conversation on the way to school or the bus is the same: " Tell me something good that will happen today ." Every afternoon or evening, the conversation is the same: " Tell me something good that happened to you today ." Their morning answer and their afternoon answer are rarely the same. And I found...

Mommy, who's your BFF? Well, let me think about that. I don't think I have one. Why not? I don't know. Maybe I'm not a BFF kind of girl. Yes, you are. You need more friends. You need a BFF. Maybe you're right. 1friend noun \ˈfrend\ Definition of FRIEND 1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance 2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group 3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity) 4 : a favored companion 5 capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker — friend·less adjective — friend·less·ness noun — be friends with : to have a friendship or friendly relationship with I have friends on my mind. I like definitions 1 and 2. 3 and 4 are okay. 5 is weird. I don't have a best friend. I have friends. I have people I like a little, like to hang out with or even like a lot. But I d...

Goals are good. They're great in soccer and hockey. They're good to have in real life but they are often, for me, unattainable. I'm setting a goal that I can actually achieve. That is, if I remain organized and motivated (that's the key) enough to do it. I'm going to blog once a week. Or more. But not less. I'm going to take these little rants I write on facebook and get them out of my system. I'm going to use pictures (if I figure out how). I'm going to do something. That's it. That's my goal.

I think I'm a pretty reserved person. I have my comfort zone that is behind the facade I show most of the world. I let a few folks into my private thoughts but most of the time I'm a pretty controlled person. Then I have a few drinks. And those walls come a'tumbling down. And then I laugh. A lot. You' think I'd know this by now. Sadly, I'm a fairly new drinker. And I only drink with those I know well and trust. Well, most of the time. A few years ago a group of moms went to Mi Ranchos for taquitos and margaritas. I couldn't figure out why my glass never emptied. That's because my friend next to me kept filling it up every time I turned around. That was a fun night that ended up with a bunch of servers putting a huge sombrero on my head and singing happy birthday to me. That was in July. My birthday is in January. I was very confused but giggly. Then there was the night of sangria. I don't like wine as a general rule...

Goodbyes are never fun. There are many different kinds of them. There's the "see ya later" when we're leaving the mall variety. There's the "goodbye, my friend" to the person who makes me laugh most in the world and moves across the country. There's the "goodbye" that can't be spoken because sobs will happen in between glasses of sangria for a lost friend. There's the "goodbye, my heart is breaking" I feel when my kids are staying with their dad. So many kinds of goodbye, and none of them are good. I can live with the "see you laters" because I really believe I will see them later. I've learned from some of the other kinds that I shouldn't assume that. Now a lot of my goodbyes include more feelings, even a couple of "I love you"s. I think my showing of emotion is startling for some but I never again want to wonder if people know how I feel about them - especially when sometimes they're gone ...

Happy things happen when I least expect it. I like that. They're good little surprises that come just when I need it. I'm not sure who controls those things but I'm happy about it. Today started out pretty crappy. A grumpy client didn't help. A job that went over its end time also didn't help. Then good news arrives in the form of an email. It was very simple, really. A government office asking me for a price quote. Woo-freakin'-hoo. This is what I've wanted - real clients asking me to provide services for them. Awesome. One quick, two line email brought a happy cloud to me. Then it got even better. I got my first performing arts gig under CSL. AWESOME. And my partner in crime for this event, the amazing Reverend, is by my side in this endeavor. I'm pfp again. It's about time. I hope my happiness is contagious. He needs some, too. Sometimes happy things happen because someone in the universe knows you need it. Last week was a goo...

My mom always told me if you have cold hands it means you have a warm heart. Nice sentiment but I've always doubted its truth. I don't understand the need to fix what ain't broken. This is on my mind as I leave my local Giant grocery store. It wasn't broken. It was fine. I knew where everything was and could really just run in and out. They fixed what wasn't broken. They revamped the store and call it new. Whatever. They're allowed to do so. I can't find anything but I will learn where things are again. The check out folks are nicer. Now they say hello, so that's a plus. The nice guy checked my stuff (I was going to say "checking me out" but that sounded a little off) and finished everything. I was walking out when I hear "Ma'am! Ma'am! Wait please!" First mistake, calling me ma'am. I won't even start on that. The woman informs me that there are no longer cart returns places out in the parking lot. Now...

I was born a girl. No question about that. Growing up in my family being a girl had certain expectations associated it. I should learn to cook. College may or may not be in my future and that was okay. I should expect to get married, have a family, blah, blah, blah. Okay, I got married (not that I expected to all) and have a family. Still can't cook well. And am still trying to graduate. Sigh. One of the biggest sources of stress in my house is the role I'm supposed to have. I'm supposed to know how to cook all sorts of things. I'm supposed to be the one to do that laundry. Again, blah, blah, blah. I can cook. I can do laundry, though - and I'm sure I'm not alone here - I hate it. I am the primary caregiver to my kids. I'm a pretty traditional mom. Only I'm not. And now I'm really not. The economy bit our butts, too, and now I'm the primary breadwinner AND all those other things. As the myth of Super Mom gets busted in front of my...

The name is simple. WWJD. What would Judi do? I should have added more - what would judi do and how do my actions affect her? That would be more clear, no? People come in and out of my life regularly. It's the job I've chosen. I show up briefly for a job and then leave. If I like the client, I can ask to go back and if I don't like them I never have to return. Perfect. My personal life isn't so perfect. People come in and out and I have no control over it. I have a few close friends who are either moving or contemplating moving. This doesn't bode well for me. One is travelling all over the world (fine by me) and then coming back only to move across the country (not fine with me). There's a time difference between us. Who will text with me during boring jobs? Who will make me laugh when my world is falling apart? The next might be moving half way around the world. That's definitely not okay with me. No one is asking my opinion. They just te...